I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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