so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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