Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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