I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
