weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
