can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
