I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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