never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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