ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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