i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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