I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
