You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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