my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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