I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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