Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
