i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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