i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
