Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
