Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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