Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
