I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
