hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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