Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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