Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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