Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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