haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just had sex on a roof
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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