its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
