I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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