She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
two words: eviction party
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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