She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
