literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
