I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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