At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I look better un-naked...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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