real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
