your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
