we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
