So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
high people should be assigned attendants
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
