ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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