He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
