I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
