I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ttyl tear gas
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
