She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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