Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
