Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
