He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
