I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
