i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
