Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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