oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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