Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
