Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
