I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
