Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
