dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I look better un-naked...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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