After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is the high leading the old right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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