DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
