Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
