Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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