Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
