if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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