you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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