He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
