biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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