there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He uses pillows to masturbate.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
