were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
