I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
