can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize