I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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