Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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