I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
