I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
