At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
